Journey of Routine Chaos

The world I am surrounded by is rich in energy, color, & diversity. I so often feel pale in comparison. This portion of my journey is about absorbing all that is presented to me. Good & bad. It is devastating many days...as I am left with not enough time to take it all in. To be present in the Universe's grace. Nature's miracles  Man's innovation. I remind myself that it is about the journey. That I am only to visit more extensively, that which will serve me right now.

I've never been a creature of routine, though I am attracted to the order & predictability of it. And despite the dependable sense of controlling my small environment...routine lacks that risk taking rooted in impulsivity. The fearless drive to run off the end of the dock & determine if you can swim kind-of-passion. When I was younger, I gave no thought to consequences. Daily, I am faced with the results of realizing how tumultuous the road can be ignoring them... consequences that is. Despite my having been told, I have an irresponsible nature.This spoken boldly by someone whom lives by order & well thought out decisions through routine. My natural way of relating to order by chaos is consistently an irritation for those that live life with intent & order. Which makes me giggle. 

 My eldest child is a spitting image of me. I am faced with ah-ha moments each day about myself. The living mirror of whom I really am & not how I perceive myself to be. Thanks kiddo! Interesting & enlightening. It doesn't change a thing. Nor  inspire me to change a thing, as that would be out of order with nature. But it does give me great insight & understanding as to why people react sometimes as adversely as they do. Poor them.

I fell in love with this digital image because of how I identified with it. The image represents my life to which I move through, despite my vascilating confidence, its vibrant & alive. Through this energy is the faith establish within myself that counters my confidence & giving me energy to push through. While wavering most days, but still moving forward, I absorb & experience the greatness around me & apply what I need to my journey. The rest of her image is near blinding light. I have never in my life felt so alive with creative energy, spiritual connectedness & over-whelming love for all the advantages I have. The gratefulness of plenty. The abundance of security & support. I give away all that is needed, as long as I don't depleat myself in forwarding what has been passed onto me. Balance is the closest to routine I will get. 

And with that, I extend my arms back, palms up in receipt, neck stretched & face pushing to the sky...I breathe in, ever so slowly, & release out my energy, as to gift back all that I have taken in today. To give back all that I have been given today...