I came out of my skin today.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
I thought it would relieve the pain.
I looked down at this loose pile,
a mass,
there on the floor.
It was surreal...
But,
I had to pee.
Upon passing the mirror to the toilet,
Out of the corner of my eye,
I could see me.
I pass the mirror
without a check to that moment.
BLIP!
WHAT?!
I back up...
SLOWLY T U R N and face forward.
I'm still me.
THAT's MY SKIN!
WTF?!
I bow my head.
I feel defeated by myself.
I am over-come by sorrow.
My arms hang,
exhausted..
almost disconnected.
...still gotta pee...
Is it just me,
or is the toilet quite comfortable
when feeling defeated?
I mean,
I think I just melted into
the seat.
Defeated.
Still stuck
in my skin.
Maybe I'm looking
at it
all wrong.
It's an inside job?
I need to gut myself.
Purge the pain.
Explore the dialog
that forced me into thinking
I could just step out
of me,
and BE
someone else.
I manipulated myself.
That's funny.
Not healthy funny.
but funny all the same.
So when I think
the world is out to get me...
...its really me defeating myself.
Me setting myself up for
a gluttony of
failures.
My insides are backwards.
They've got it all wrong!
It suppose to be the other-way
around.
Whatever shaped
my insides like they are
must have pretty messed
up insides themselves.
I suppose they
figured it would
fix their insides.
To think,
To feel,
To express,
To respond,
To connect,
To understand,
To love,
To hate,
To envelope
them
or
it...
is an inside job.
A heart beats too keep the body functioning.
But it feels emotional pain?
From the inside,
You can see pain
and the toll it takes.
It grows
&
takes on the outside.
Once you see it
on the outside
you know the inside is
really, really
MESSED UP!
DO OVER
That's what I want!
A DO OVER.
I want to do over
how I see my heart.
and how it see me.
I want to do over
how I treat my heart
and how it treats me.
I want a do over
how I respect my skin
and how it respects me.
I want a do over
how I love myself
and how myself loves me.
Today, I get a choice
to do it over
again.
Maybe, I'll
just go back to the other room,
put back on my skin,
and
DO IT OVER, again.
Yeah,
I'll just do it over,
again.
Sooner or later,
the insides
will connect
with the outsides,
and
together be proud of
who I am...
....which is...
ME.
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