I'm Crying Again

I cried today.

It made me so  tired   I fell asleep in the chair I was slouching in.

I could hear my children coming & going.

I remember my oldest kissing me on the head & saying good-morning...he must have just gotten out of bed because I slumped myself in the chair around 10:30am today.

It's been a long day.

My one dear friend said I've had enough of my children & they need to go back to school.

She thought I would benefit from a part-time job that is  mindless & gets me out more.

She suggested Stone Cold Ice Cream Company.

I said that working in a high-end ice cream parlor when I was in my mid-life crisis & most likely clinically depressed

 again, 

sounded rather uplifting.

Could I handle adding another 30 lbs to my already over-sized ass?

It's like drug use ...it feels good for awhile, but the hangover is a killer.

Well, it's the thought that counts.

If we weren't so broke, I'd probably go  get some ice cream from the convenience store.

Even if I had money, I wouldn't buy ice cream from  a place like that...it's ice cream.

I mean really? I can make it at home for like $2.00 a gallon!

I'm crying again.

It would be nice to have some ice cream right now...actually just some very basic things like...

milk

butter

bread

eggs

Just some basics would be nice. 

I gave up sugar.

My children are better for it.

I'm crying again.

Everything is so out of whack!

I did everything the business books trained me to do.

I made the calls.

Gave people time. Deals. A little extra.

I'm crying again.

I give out of kindness.

I believe I don't have unrealistic expectations.

Maybe things just aren't as they appear.

Maybe I don't understand ....me.

I'm crying again.

I don't know if I can actually make the ice cream for $2.00 a gallon!? 

That's what the directions said! 

I've never even made ice cream at home. 

Why would I do that when it's $5.99 at the convenience store--no waiting?

I want-I want-I want.

WHAT? Do I NEED?

I'm crying again.

SELF PITY

I never saw a wild thing

Sorry for itself

A small bird will drop 

frozen dead from a bough,

Without ever having felt

Sorry for itself.

-D.H. Lawerence

Selected Poems    

I'm crying again.

But I  think it will be OK.

Somehow, someway...things work themselves out.

So instead of that part-time job  at the ice cream parlor...

I'm going to deliver delicious, HOT! from the oven hand made cookies.

Ironic how my ass is just not going to get out of this one.

I'm smiling again...

Must be the thought of cookies.

Maybe next time when I completely find myself slumping hopelessly in the chair, 

instead I will get some milk & cookies & be grateful for them.

If you give  a worn-out-mom a cookie...she just might smile again.

hhhhhhhmmmmm....divine intervention.

When  all I needed was a cookie.

I hope it's awhile before...

...I cry again.

phew.