She never said the stillness could hurt--
Inside at least.
She only said, that the void of waves had a soothing
affect.
The mist blanketed me,
I was melding into the curve of the hull.
There were faint sounds, but I
couldn't make them out,
or to which direction had they come.
My light shone bright.
making up for my sorrowful heart--
a heaviness, like the air.
To that,
I think it was the clouds that had come down.
They do that you know...
when you need to see things differently & refuse to respect the
order of things.
They drop down & make the world obscure of its color,
it's life & all that entails--
to whoever is participating.
Some just go along, with the ebb & flow of the tide.
Others like me, attempt to control, direct...define the circumstance.
hhhhmmmm...hhhmm...hhm...hhhmm.......
hhhmmm....hhmm...hhmm......
I find myself humming effortlessly...
a meditative state like no other.
My pain fades.
I smile.
I look so peaceful floating in my boat....
......oblivious to the ebb & flow....
....as I go.
Away, with the clouds....
the light burns out & the wind whistles through the cracked lamp glass.
And there the raven dwells,
peering at its reflection. He is the alarm to those who see this boat
adrift....weighted with a death.
Dusk, casts color over my soul & flickers in its
beams on the water. The raven drops his stone.....
I am now meerly ripples.
The boat & light & sounds are all so distant now....I can barely
make them out.
I will continue my rest....as I ebb & flow to another world.
I Stand Alone
In many things I do
It's not always by choice,
Or even because I want to...
So often,
it's just a matter of circumstance,
a fact of life.
So often
I Stand Alone
and I just don't want to.
Then there's the times I think I'm in the lead,
the one who's ahead.
When I stop...
shit, there's no one behind me...
I Stand Alone.
Or when I got pushed,
And told, "you do it!"...I stood there...alone.
I Stand Alone mostly as a matter of consequence.
Like, when I am waiting to hear the results for something that might be bad news...
I don't really want to be alone.
OR
When you might win! Then I want someone there to jump for joy with and definitely NOT be alone.
OR
When I am feeling over-whelmingly grateful, happy, in LOVE, appreciative, thankful...then I want that someone who's invoked those feelings there, so I can give them a HUG!
BUT
sometimes, no matter what...
I so often end up alone.
I've resolved it as a lesson being repeated that I have not learned. Standing in public spaces or wrapped up in heart-wrenching moments, I Stand Alone.
Alone at the bus stop...not another soul to chat with.
OR
Waiting in a line at a store...cashiers can be so cold & matter of fact.
OR
Expecting a call or hoping for a letter to come.
OR
When your heart has been broken & your in a room of people.
Sometimes, you burn a bridge & even the most loyal of friends abandon you...
...that's when you are really standing alone.
Sometimes I Stand Alone when I have protested my opinion firmly on something that is in desperate need of a voice to shout to the masses & tell its story, while everyone thinks you've plum gone mad!
That's when I proudly Stand Alone.
Sometimes we have to take walks that no one else can walk...
Down paths that have no matter to them, only you.
It is then I Stand Alone.
When these moments control my time, I look to my faith to remind me of this journey.
That within each moment that I Stand Alone, I am given a stronger foundation of ME to stand on.
So that one day, when I am out front, either from being pushed or by choice, or with those that followed or also know...
I am wrapped with a different kind of courage, as
I Stand Alone.
I'll just straighten this a bit...and nobody will know.
I'll make it look like its always been here.
Bury the smell underneath the underbelly,
Until it begins to blossom & it frightens the weeds,
Then the birds can come,
As well as the bees.
They will do their work
Spread the beauty.
I hope nobody see's me.
It's my last seed.
The last of me.
Nothing will bother it here.
I pray
I believe
I just need to find the right spot.
The soil must be rich,
Black and
SO Cold
To this soil I sow
my hopes
my dreams
my wishes
my cares
my loves
my pain
my sorrow
my faith
my courage
my kindness
my laughter
my humility
my struggles
my strengths
my liabilities
my perspective
my resilience
my fragility
my fortitude
my envy
my creativity
my heart song
my wind song
my prayers
I don't want the ugliness in there.
It prevents complete growth
It's genetically tall like the bamboo
Utter strength
And the color
Cataclysmic!
I'll leave the sins out
They dull & wash out the color
And the delicacy is gorged out by negativity of control
Releasing this seed to the soil
Connecting
Completing as intended
The Sowing of Me
Will wait & see
Photographic Image By Emily Yost
http://www.emilyyost.com/
