4 Things You Can't Recover

Every once in awhile I am left speechless. I attempt at being present & conscious in life. I prefer to think of myself as someone who communicates & faces risk & fear to better get along. Although, in life we sometimes are just part of the staging. Part of experience that happens no matter how much we attempt to live cleanly, honestly & humbly. I recently stumbled upon this amidst my folders of shit I find important enough to keep. With my disposition today, its ironic I stumbled upon these words of wisdom. Truly I had forgotten this...I mean as golden rules of daily living. I prefer to have these be conscious normalicies in how I approach life, daily life, family life....just my life...but upon keenly reading I have come to realize, maybe a refresher course is in order. I share with you as someone who is ever so grateful in all that is present in my life--even the ick, as it forces me toward something better. And hopefully bring more patience to the world around us or even bring courage to a voice to speak up & connect with a random stranger at risk of being shut down.

With each day, as I wake, I will strive to not cast stones, think about my words, be appreciative of the occasion & respect the time I have by being present. Carpe' Diem.

sunflower

Ever wondered what it would be like to be a sunflower?
To effortlessly, through all kinds of weather,
grow,
bend, 
sway,
reach,
bloom,
produce,
focus.

If a animal doesn't find it before it takes root, there's little mother nature can do to interrupt the sunflower from it's job. It has one purpose--to reach the sun. To have its petals be warmed by its rays. It's love affair is so strong, it follows the sun vainly all day. Sun-up, to Sun-down. And in its sorrow, hangs it's head at end of day, only to begin again it's joy of embracing the sun's glory.

Some are small.
Some become small trees.
Some can barely hold itself up from the size of its head.
Some have delicate seed & vibrant color.

With each spring my children & I randomly tuck seeds into the ground hoping for a beautiful sunflower to break the ground. They remind us of how time flies & beauty fades. And with overcast there can be sorrow. Only to reach to the warmth of a new day. 

This year the squirrels chose where the flowers would grow...and we couldn't be happier in knowing that because we sowed, the woods is now a more peaceful & graceful place.

Ever sit under a sunflower as if it were a parasol? It is a bliss that renders your heart to giddy childishness.

Ever harvested the seed, to enjoy as a bounty & share with the yard birds in preparation for winter?

Ever thank the sunflower for guiding the time of day?

Ah! Sun-Flower
Ah, Sun-flower, weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the Sun,
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the traveller's journey is done:
Where the Youth pined away with desire,
And the pale Virgin shrouded in snow
Arise from their graves, and aspire
Where my Sun-flower wishes to go.
-William Blake

And for today, I will aspire to face the sun, & allow for its rays to warm my face...to guide me methodically to rest at the end of a day. Oh beautiful sunflower does give me sweet grace...

Keep Your Eye on the Ball !

The Peanuts are part of Minnesota history. I mean Charles Schultz hails from St.Paul! And these characters are the epitome of our culture--we stuff & seethe. Garrison Keillor, Prairie Home Companion, for those of you who don't know, in my minds eye, coined the phrase. It was sad to see Camp Snoopy leave MOA (Mall of America), but this too has passed. Although, you can still see the peanuts characters scattered all over the State Fairgrounds.

In any given day I am a Charlie Brown and Lucy. Opposite & polarizing personalities. Annoyed at the irritations of those to slow to recognize my need to press things along while wrapped up in a self-loathing, UGH...sigh. A friend said I was probably bi-polar, to which I told her she did NOT understand what that was. (Although it would provide me with a label & excuse for my indiscretions). However, she assumes she knows me, to which I think, "how can she or anyone else know me, if, I, myself don't know me? I mean what does that exactly mean anyways?"
Prime example would be, "I'm taking charge here, but please don't yell at me if you wanted to run the show". 

Charlie Brown & Lucy.
The ball was the point of contention. The point of question. The point of deliberation.
I've heard say, people passionate of life battle the rationale of their head, but are led with their heart. Can you say inner turmoil?

Lucy protests she has only Schroeder in her heart, although she contradicts herself by looking out for her brother Linus & his blanket...all the while irritated, but always all-knowing. Which she later validates by yanking out his blanket. She pleasures in pulling out the football right at the point of proof, and soothes her vanity by charging anyone who will pay 2 nickles for her advice! Maybe that's why I don't charge what I should as a designer--I would be setting myself up for consequence....for a possible yelling at or an ugh.

Everyone loves Charlie Brown! He's just a nice guy who never strays for his moral just. His slow to process, & inability to connect with the speed at which life goes by, leaves him, unwittingly content in his somewhat awareness of happenings. Don't ask me, I'm ALWAYS the last one to know & even then, there's a good chance I won't remember anyways.

I am most outwardly a Lucy...exhibiting a shinier, bubblier personality more like Sally. I remember several decades ago, another lifetime really, my art college days, I so desperately wanted to change my name to Lucy. I think within a week of various liquid gatherings, I had met three Lucy's...all with distinctive personalities--extroverted characters they were. And fashionable. I've never been fashionable--gotta slow down long enough & take the time. Throw it one & go!  

My thoughts were the name presented so many possibilities for marketing, typography & design....oh, those were the romantic days. I should have been more of a Lucy & just gone with it. Darn, was that regret I just expressed? Be gone!!! But my parents are quite traditional & god forbid I would do something so outlandish! So I modernized my birth name Elizabeth to Lizzi. Lizzi with an "I" I still say. It became the brilliant marketing ploy of our portfolio show. EVERYONE just couldn't believe I wanted to be called Lizzi & not Liz. And that I made tent business cards. Who  would ever do something so absurd? They were "suppose to be" square! They "wouldn't" fit into a card file holder or Rolodex or wallet! "Why" a tent? How much information does she need to put on that card? BLA! BLA! BLA! Guess who went through ALL of her cards? All 400 of them?

ME!! 

Of course, I never got a great job or anything. Just the successful proof in the pudding that maybe, just maybe I knew something! Maybe, just maybe, I was a true creative. Someone who through blind faith would pursue an idea or concept with the pure energy & confidence that IT WILL be successful with no questions asked. A LUCY! I pull that ball out just when I am told, "you really don't want to do THAT? do you?!" Ummm....yep! 

I settled into my successful impulsive decision of design mystro by getting quite intoxicated the 3rd day of the show, at Braxton's Pub right next door. Their Bloody Mary's & fresh water oysters were intoxicatingly beyond delicious. Besides, I was already out of business cards...what else was there? oh yeah, onward to STOUT!!

So what was the ball....the business cards. Lucy NEVER looses sight of the ball. Charlie Brown ALWAYS KNOWS the ball is never within his reach & is left with a repetitive ugh. Classmates didn't believe me but I had the ball. No back peddling from them about how genius Lizzi with an "i" was in her design choices. Again I am left with a literal, ugh. 

And so the cycle continues....good grief. BUT, I not only have control of the ball, but I also keep my eye on the ball. Because life offers up fumbles. And if you don't have control of the ball, well the landing is most likely gonna hurt. Which leaves you to stuff & seethe...

...grumbling under your breathe, "good grief".