I was at the gym watching my daughter practice & I obviously dumped my purse further away from the ramp wall than I thought & a grown man came along & tripped over it. The purse barely moved! The guy stumbled a bit & then said, "what do you have in there?". I said spare change & god only knows what else...hahahahaha!! I was laughing because he tripped. Then it was even funnier because he tripped over my purse! It's actually a Sherpani cooler bag--small!
I am still giggling today about that man tripping over my Sherpani! Maybe I should dump this bad boy out & see what all the shit is I've been hauling around day in & day out.
HOLY SHIT! I officially could easily win Let's Make a Deal several times over!
Here's the run down...NO SHIT! This was ALL in my purse!!
12 pens (funny how I could never find one)
3 pencils
2 mechanical pencils
4 sharpies (2 green, 1 black, 1 red)
1 small screwdriver set
1 surgical clamp (he he)
2 scissors (1 hair, 1 paper)
1 highlighter (PINK!)
1 X-Acto knife
1 retractable eraser
3 chap-sticks
2 Carmex (porcelain tub, stick)
4 corks (oh my!)
3 lighters (all Bic's of course)
6 interesting metal games pieces (not sure what game...hhhhmmmm)
car key
ring of car/house keys from circuit 1987 (toy box shit)
enough change for a party size Toppers Buffalo Chicken Pizza
2 business card holders--both EMPTY??!! (nice)
rubber dragon
7 shelf sets-where's the 8th?
expired meds--not sure what they are...hhhmmmm
3 kinds of lotion-hotel variety
Kellog's Tour of Champions paraphernalia
rocks
sticks
Lego's
3 rubber balls (THANKS Little Caesar's)
pedometer (hahahahahaha!)
2 finger nail clippers
Dawson's baby socks ( they are ALWAYS in my purse--good luck)
metal hummingbird
one of Anneliesa's locker key bangle thingy's
5 snap Barrett's
6 no-slip binders
mini tape measure
30' tape measure
2 check books
comb
3 month's of receipts
wallet
phone
pen parts
lips chip bag clip
4 Corona Light Beer caps (must of been at a park?)
miscellaneous beads
giant copper safety pin
TONS of gums wrappers
3 ketchup packs
1 grape jelly
crumbs of..I think..town house crackers?
What the hell? My children were shocked! I was grossed out by the ketchup & jelly packets. My middle child thought he just hit the mother-load of cool shit. My husband laughed & shook his head. I on the other hand, am disappointed I didn't find any cash besides the 20 lbs. of change...at least a $10 would have been worth the huge mess I made on our dining room table. Oh well. So I grabbed another bag from the closet. It's bigger! HA-HA! Doesn't feel AS HEAVY, despite being bigger in physical size...should be interesting...very, very, interesting.
Life is short.
I'm 46.
Not at all what I envisioned 46 would be like either.
My children aren't even teenager's yet.
SHIT!
LIFE all of the sudden, it feels like life been short when you put some perspective on it...like your age!
What the hell have I been doing?
Can't say I've been on a "career" path.
Why does it have to be a career path?
How about a journey?
I've been tasting life!
Meeting people, building my book of memories.
Does it matter?
Up until the last few years--it didn't really.
I went along doing whatever was necessary to eat, drink & BE happy (or coming out of some grade of depression).
This last decade plus has been raising children...
Running a business.
Watching the economy & those trying to predict it.
Experiencing society morals & values tank!
Listening to all the excuses & reason why.
Many days I wish I were more like the ant & could just follow along in suit.
You know...be able to work for the man. The corporation. Have a boss.
Not be the boss.
Not be the decision maker.
Not be the authority on EVERYTHING!
Although, that's what I am.
That's what I do.
That's how I work.
I am most comfortable being the ultimate authority in getting my ass into hot-water. I don't miss the ass-in-hot-water-bullshit because of some other asshole who makes more than you.
(Husbands & business partners are excluded from this rational)
I think when we look back, life does look short.
The world is small.
And I've been pretty damn blessed.
When we look forward, some days I can't see how the hell I'm gonna get dinner on the table.
But I think the basic cruxes of living is to say what you need to say.
I'm from Minnesota.
We stuff & seethe.
When I heard Garrison Keillor point that out on Prairie Home Companion, it was shocking!
He was right!
Blanket that with Minnesota nice...& now you know why we live on comfort food.
Casseroles came from Minnesota you know.
(At this point, you should be pronouncing your "o's" with a long over-enunciation sound)
Most people that know me, have found me to NOT be a stuffer or seether.
In fact, I will voice an opinion for the friend who can't find the voice themselves.
I blurt out their inability to be courageous & say, "he was a real dick!"
Doesn't mean he's a dick 24/7. But this time, yeah,he was a dick.
I said it.
It's out there.
Do you feel better now?
No.
Now they are scared of retaliation.
Good god!
Seriously?!
Someone once warned me: "Don't say anything out loud you don't want repeated."
HE'S A DICK!!
Here, let me make this even easier...."Bob. You're being a DICK! As to say, you're not always a dick, but currently you are behaving like a dick." Or the harsh reality of, "Bob, your just a big fucking dick most of the time." Either way, I say it...well, usually. I am Minnesotan remember! I do have the option of stuffing & seething at will.
I got to thinking about unspoken words, time being short & what's important that I haven't said. Shit the I've stuffed---like more than I thought. There are days I have to work with my paint crew. It's in that time I get to do nothing but think. I thought, if I died, was there anything I really wanted to say? Were there any thoughts that I stuffed & have seethed that I should just get out there & let it go?
HELL YEAH! I surprised myself.
TRAFFIC--are you kidding me? Grown adults get into a multi-ton piece of machinery & do more while moving at high rates of speed than they do in their own homes! I truly don't need to elaborate on this one. I mean just today I saw a guy who didn't scrap his frost off, racing to work, drinking coffee, talking into his phone or singing to the radio (who knows) SHAVING at the stop light! Um...yeah, I want to be near him on the road. BE PRESENT PEOPLE!
The more convenient our world becomes, the more dependent we become. The more garbage we create. The less connected with our planet were we continue to live.
Everyone should be able to name at least ONE bird singing in the morning before they even start their day.
PRIORITIES:This is a hard one. This requires critical thinking & self restraint.
HOPE: Never leave home without it.
PLEASE!! For the love of God, put your fucking grocery cart in the cart corral!!
Being a pedestrian does not mean you have the right-of-way anywhere you walk.
Traffic--the transference of our stuffing & seething.
Did I mention grocery carts?
Just because you can give birth to a child DOES NOT mean you should have a child. Producing the child is the easy part. RAISING them as a member of society is completely another!
Pets require personal & social responsibility..."but they were so cute!?", is a stupid person talking.
Be a good neighbor.
Give blood.
PRAY to what you believe in--it's your belief.
If you see children selling Kool-Aid or cookies or whatever...STOP! and support their innovation. These children have an innate drive to blaze their own trail...to not validate those remarkable efforts squanders future progress & adds to the division of class.
AGAIN, JUST BECAUSE you can create children, DOES NOT mean you have the skills or ability to raise them.
Neighbors can make every day fucking miserable if your don't set your precedence from the moment you move in. With that, get to know your neighbors & neighborhood watch captains--the city approved them as the voice of your neighborhood...you should know their position.
If you dump it in the street gutter, it gets carried away into our rivers & streams.
Can you re-purpose, re-cycle, re-use, re-define something instead of dumping it into a landfill?
Walk with your head up, not looking at the ground. (unless the terrain dictates differently)
Buy the best dog & cat food from a specialty feed & pet store...they hardly poop because their food is so nutritious--it's the closest they get to fresh!
Put your grocery cart in the cart corral!
You still have to STOP! when turning right on a red light!
No matter how big or small--no day should go by without a random act of kindness.
The air you breath & water you drink are the direct result of how you live your life. IT'S NOT SOMEBODY ELSE'S FAULT!
The bible is only one history book.
An education isn't complete without art, music & home economics.
OK...I have to go back to traffic....PEOPLE! Learn to F**King DRIVE!!
Learn to truly understand LOVE.
Should-a, Could-a, Would-a, is our human nature being afraid. Our instincts out of whack!
FORGIVENESS is the playing field leveler of all time.
Life is better with coffee, ice cream & lean red meat.
If you can't find ONE blessings in your day, go back to bed & start over.
Technology WILL NEVER replace the relationship of the reader & a book in hand.
Someday women will be the majority in board rooms & politics...OH MY!
Eat real things, like SUGAR & BUTTER! Oh & beer is good.
Get three estimates if you are concerned about price & value.
I don't think I can die now, because quite frankly I have just to much to say. To much unspoken. To much to get out there that may light a fire under somebodies ass or motivate them to think differently or just because I have something to say that's interesting. If nobody listens & I only have my voice to settle in with, I will have to be still with whom I am & LOVE that whom that I am.
My unspoken, is now spoken, to the whom that I am.
TA-DA & to be continued....
The world I am surrounded by is rich in energy, color, & diversity. I so often feel pale in comparison. This portion of my journey is about absorbing all that is presented to me. Good & bad. It is devastating many days...as I am left with not enough time to take it all in. To be present in the Universe's grace. Nature's miracles Man's innovation. I remind myself that it is about the journey. That I am only to visit more extensively, that which will serve me right now.
I've never been a creature of routine, though I am attracted to the order & predictability of it. And despite the dependable sense of controlling my small environment...routine lacks that risk taking rooted in impulsivity. The fearless drive to run off the end of the dock & determine if you can swim kind-of-passion. When I was younger, I gave no thought to consequences. Daily, I am faced with the results of realizing how tumultuous the road can be ignoring them... consequences that is. Despite my having been told, I have an irresponsible nature.This spoken boldly by someone whom lives by order & well thought out decisions through routine. My natural way of relating to order by chaos is consistently an irritation for those that live life with intent & order. Which makes me giggle.
My eldest child is a spitting image of me. I am faced with ah-ha moments each day about myself. The living mirror of whom I really am & not how I perceive myself to be. Thanks kiddo! Interesting & enlightening. It doesn't change a thing. Nor inspire me to change a thing, as that would be out of order with nature. But it does give me great insight & understanding as to why people react sometimes as adversely as they do. Poor them.
I fell in love with this digital image because of how I identified with it. The image represents my life to which I move through, despite my vascilating confidence, its vibrant & alive. Through this energy is the faith establish within myself that counters my confidence & giving me energy to push through. While wavering most days, but still moving forward, I absorb & experience the greatness around me & apply what I need to my journey. The rest of her image is near blinding light. I have never in my life felt so alive with creative energy, spiritual connectedness & over-whelming love for all the advantages I have. The gratefulness of plenty. The abundance of security & support. I give away all that is needed, as long as I don't depleat myself in forwarding what has been passed onto me. Balance is the closest to routine I will get.
And with that, I extend my arms back, palms up in receipt, neck stretched & face pushing to the sky...I breathe in, ever so slowly, & release out my energy, as to gift back all that I have taken in today. To give back all that I have been given today...
I'm a magnet for people that give you the impression they want your help. They want your advice. They want your thoughts. They want to know what direction you would go.
But they really don't.
Then there's those that whine because they need someone to listen to their crap.
For all of you...and you know who you are (as I've been both at one point or another in my life)...
Please repeat the above & FOLLOW THROUGH with what you have been given.
Another irritation...resolved?
Only if the one in need has resolved their whine with acceptance of their desire for help.
Then there's the mutual completion to the action of help...being thankful...for each other.
There's a certain amount of self torture in being an artist. It's the push against that behavior that steers us away from our art. Like an addict, we come back to it. We either become comfortable with this vicious circle & pang to our existence or just plain go friggin crazy! I'm leaning towards the "I know I seem a bit crazy--that's because in the "normal" world, I AM!" kinda comfortable place to be...I believe that falls in between the panging existence & friggin crazy!
I used to sit in circles of could-a, would-a, should-a's...it was killing me. I was completely suffocating & the pain of being there & listening to the broken record was driving me back to illicit drug use. AND, by all my experience, I KNOW, despite the temporary blissful insanity of that journey, it leaves you broke, your skin (amongst other things) looking like complete shit! & everything you left behind to consume copious amounts of whatever, the problems that are still there--except your brain hurts more. Not to mention you acquire a whole new set of friends that have nothing in common with you, except the trip you've jut been on to la-la-la-whateva'.
SO...NOW WHAT?!
PERSPECTIVE!
Where to get it?
KARMA always brings it...!
KARMA slipped this in front of me this morning as I moved from thing to thing...
How To Feel Miserable As An Artist
(or what not to do)
Constantly compare yourself to others.
I actually gave this up in art school. I learned quickly that when you do this, they take your ideas & mind fuck you so they can have the artistic advantage. My art is not about them! That's not why your doing art! If it were they would be considered your client & you would be working for someone. It's about what's inside. Something you have to share with the world--timing is everything & then again it's nothing. Doing art is a life's work. Appreciation for others work is good karma.
Talk to your family about what you do & EXPECT them to cheer you on.
This will never change, EXCEPT the EXPECT part. I'm my biggest cheerleader & nobody else! Although, I do, by habit & nature, keep looking to my family for understanding...and they keep thinking I'm crafty. Um. Yeah...crafty. nice.
Base the success of your entire career on one project.
This reminds me of the guy who caught the winning football just as the clock ran out to win the state championship for their school. And that's the story they tell every reunion...every party...every fucking time you see them at a social engagement!! This is death! Not happening. No way, no how. A great project is great, but that's the step to the next great project...and so on and so forth...art is a lifetime project! Each project is inspiration to something more--success OR failure!
Stick with what you know.
Here's the deal...I DON'T KNOW SHIT! I mean, I know a lot about a lot of things, mastered none of them as far as I am concerned, but could never imagine picking any one of those things & sticking with it. Again...this is death! The older I get the more I appreciate the liability of distraction...it is the insatiable appetite of curiosity! It keeps me exploring ideas & mediums & solutions to problems. NO STICKING ALLOWED!
Undervalue your expertise.
Got this perspective most recently. First I need to have a handle on what my expertise is. I've been walking around feeling more like a Jack-Of-All-Trades & Master-Of-None. If I truly embraced what I am an expertise in, then, maybe I would have some basis for determining my value. But then again, that makes me feel like I'm sticking to what I know, which contradicts my curious nature. I 'm already the only one of my kind--an original. So just being that, I should know what my value is. Although, I am a generous woman to fault. Generosity undermines my value. I will have to re-visit this about myself, as put a value on my "expertise" doesn't align with the economic reality of my world. Finding a balance & worth is of more value right now.
Let money dictate what you do.
Where do you think the term "starving artist" originated from? Artists either have great vanity in their work & reap those financial benefits. Or they never worry about money because they are to busy being creative & engaged in the moments of brilliance. This is a generality with perspective. If you want to make a living with your art, then money will dictate what you produce. I mean, everyone could love & appreciate your shit, but if they aren't buying it, the light to the gallery get shut off & your dead in the water. BUT, they love your work! Balance...being highly sought after...while recognizing when your starving!!
Bow to societal pressures.
Hmmmmm....makes me think of the photography industry. We've gone from plates, to film, to digital camera's, to no film, to electronic devices, to now Photoshop & cloud storing. There was a time of tactical appreciation for capturing a moment in time. You could pick up a picture, flip through a photo album & appreciate a photo on the wall. NOW? Society wants it now, with no regard to quality, just the latest technology that's the fastest...the easiest...the most convenient. Industries dissolve as time passes. But, to allow impulsivity to define character, class & respect for gifted artist by replacing them with self-serving methods of operation is succumbing to society's demands. Roads that diverge in the woods....
Only do work that your family would love.
I tried to fill this mold for years, but by my basic nature I completely failed & fell short of their acceptable ways of living. I remember going to family reunions, where & my cousins, aunts & uncles sarcastically asking so what are you doing now? hahahaha. I replied with, "you can't keep up? I'm doing what I want! I'm not miserable doing something I hate." They all looked down & shut-up. Don't condemn someone because you don't understand their method of operation. It's their life. Family never has a clue.
Do whatever the client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor asks.
Um...yeah. Note to bowing above & if your are the expert then...um...I guess they should be consulting you? This I know from my remodeling business. Clients have said, "well so & so said bla bla bla...and they are the expert." I replied with, "expert in what?" That's all well & good if it resolves the design project to meet your needs. BUT, does it?" Unless my art is created under criteria of a client, it's all about my interpretation. If it's created under the criteria of a client, it's all about EXCEEDING their criteria. Knowing the difference here determines the value of my end product....ah-ha! Maybe I am an expert in something?!
Set unachievable/overwhelming goals, to be achieved by tomorrow.
PERFECTIONIST in bed with PROCRASTINATION!! Definitely got this one mastered & I can truly say I am an expert in this! The ban of what I do...BUT, using the Laws of Attraction to counter my basic nature. I will prevail...maybe....hahahaha!
NOW, I think I'll go "craft" something...
...but not feel miserable.
