Come In! Come In!

When I was younger, small talk was substance & an excuse for not knowing what was going on or having to attach myself to ANY responsibility for being in the know. Consequences were easily avoided by simply talking about nothing. Small talk is a vital element as beings, but it has no ability to awaken the soul. Or make the heart race & the mind reel. It doesn’t send waves of energy through your body when you’ve connected with another. When the conversation rambles & meanders & circles back & diverts again about interesting things that may or may not be related. The exploration of free flow of thoughts, emotions & ponderings.

When I read this post, I was excited by what it states. And I was left thinking that many of the things mentioned I’ve never really explored or even know a damn thing about! Or, simply have left in the locked closet of shit I don’t talk about because shame stands guard. I mean sex is taboo, lies, well, they are in the closet and my flaws make me sad because, again, shame stands guard. And I really would like to know what’s up. For me, that question is more easily answered when I am engaged in a deep conversation with someone. Where interruptions or demands of me don’t happen.  I think I’ll rewrite this to better serve my own twisted mind, so I can stop the self-berating & move closer to that which I seek…..substance in conversation.

I hate gossip & narrow minded opinions.

I want to talk about the brain, death, aliens, sex, and intellect, philosophers in art, distant lands & fairytales from my youth. The reverence around food & do you run in the rain or love the smell of fresh cut grass? The neighbors & business clerks, creativity, failure & flaws.

I like people with empathy, yet pragmatic, who seek adventure & a challenge in the spoken word. I don’t want to know he said, she said what. 

Ultimately, I like what Shel Silverstein has to say about all of this….

Invitation

If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer…..

If you’re a pretender come sit by my fire

For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.

Come in!

Come in!

Loves Of My Life

Relationships take many forms. Two human beings connecting, nature, science, art & faith are all relationships we are engaged in everyday. When those relationships start to crash & burn, it's then that we are more present in reflection. The nature of fight or flight begins & all the emotional response follows. Our method of coping. Or our means of holding on, letting go or allowing in the process.

When I was young, many relationships were lost or bridges burned. It was devastating for me. Even to this day, I can look back & still feel the slight sting or mild regret of some of those moments. With people I internalized it; allowed myself to stay knocked down, blaming & beating myself up. I responded with flight. Although, with all things professional, I never really missed a beat. I was more like, fuck you & moved on to bigger fish. With my art, it just got put in piles or stored in a box. I keep finding these creative blips written on lists or quickly roughed out with abstract margin notes in drawing books, journals & on scraps of paper. The rest is left ramming around in the back of my mind, like elevator music that won't quit. All eventually piling up & falling over, demanding my attention.

These moments of dissolve are not ends. They are only parts or sections in a journey. They are the markedly memorable points of transition that bring us to a higher level of living. Of being. Of loving. They are the dots or cogs that connect together to form a whole. Things break, we fix them & keep moving on. BUT, sometimes, just when we least expect it, from all the rubble emerges the love of your life. And quite frankly that should read “another love of your life”. Because, when you think about it, life is generally long. Some days are long & we want them to be over quickly. Some weeks drag on. Often we can’t wait for the month to end & the weather of the season to shift. And then we look forward to the repair of what New Year’s is really about, new beginnings. When we could be practicing the simplicity of having the New Year start, every single day.

But sometimes the days, weeks, months and years pile up. They become decades, and your standing in the shadow of this huge passing of time. Imagine standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, looking out at its vastness, trying to wrap your head around its immense presence. Decades gone by. It can be overwhelming or change everything you ever thought about all that’s brought you to now. A point of meeting another love in your life. To be gracious in the gift that is before you. To thank that which has come to pass that you are here in its receipt.

Making mistakes, burning bridges, however you define endings or transition, is the only way to come to these loves in our lives. Without them, it’s unrecognizable. And with age we learn this. It is with the experience of living, loving & loosing that understanding happens. Ambition is blind I always say. But it needs a partner in this world, love. Because when we screw shit up on any level, its love that brings us through. It’s the loves in our lives that make us shine light on our world & those in it. 

It’s the loves in our life that put the ripples in the water that go out into the universe, only to come back tenfold. It’s the loves in our life that make us or break us. It’s the moment we meet the loves of our lives, however long or brief they may be, that bring us to who we are in this moment in time for all the world to see & feel. 

Today I am present with a love in my life….it’s a priceless kind of day!